Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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