Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize