I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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