Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
