i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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