I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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