so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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