Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?