and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize