Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist