I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!