im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body