So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.