I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men