I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again