FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I want to be your penis for a week.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.