AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.