i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
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We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!