Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.