You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?