My room smells like vodka and shame
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
