I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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