I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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