So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
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I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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