non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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