Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
