I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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