Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
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I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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