Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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