it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize