So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
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I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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