we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
