is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
