I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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