So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm really busy with my period
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