Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
