when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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