I have demons in me.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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