Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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