I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize