Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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