i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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