I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Watching her eat just hurts me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
