YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
