He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
