I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
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Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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