Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
