im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
