you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?