I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
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We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
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So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void