White coat. Heels.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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