You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.