All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My hand turned me down
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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