Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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