Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
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I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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