i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
