your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
