Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
