I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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