Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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