shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.