Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.