If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
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I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.