I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.