the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.