When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.