He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.