I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door