I heard we made out
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla