I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
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That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me