I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.