The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
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I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
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Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle