I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
