I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
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It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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